Saturday, 19 May 2012

Prototype: Writer.


Prototype: Writer…
In my secondary school, a friend of mine had a book. This book was of particular interest to the both of us. To her, because it contained a summary of class notes she no doubt wanted to revise. To me because it contained bits and pieces of amazing writing. The owner of the book (who turned out to be my friend’s sister’s friend J ) liked to write too and when we were leaving that chapter of school behind, at my request, I was given this book as souvenir which I still posses to this day.

As luck would have it, a few years later, I got to meet the owner of this book. And just as I had pictured, she was dark and mysterious, reserved and yet gives you the impression that a storm was brewing in her mind. Since that time, I have quietly observed that this seems to be a trend with most writers. They are usually a bit of loners, very private and have a mysterious aura about them. As they say, a writer never tells.

This is something that has been worrying me of late. Am I really a writer? I mean, I’m mostly a sunny smiley person. I see the humor in just about everything I think of and I like to have lots of people around. What am I to do? Should I force myself to be alone? To be broody and absorbed in thought 90% of the time so I can fit the prototype? Are there several different types of writers maybe? And I’m just under one of the many different ones?

Well I figured it out today. There are no types of writers. You are either a writer or you are not. It’s simply about the feeling you get when you write. It’s possible to be bright and giggly and yet write a sad dark piece just as it is possible to be feeling down and yet pull off a celebratory piece.

I also found out that I do have that mysterious reserved side of me. And there are times when I DO want to be by myself, but that is not what makes you a writer. You have to have it in your very blood molecules. There is a certain confirmation deep inside yourself that can never be shaken by anyone about this bit of who you are. It’s almost like being in love, you can’t really explain to someone else, but you know for a fact that you are…

I am a writer.


Firefly.


As I walked around in the quiet, I came across a friendly firefly. I reached out for it and was both pleased and surprised to see that it did not fly away or hide in fear. So I took the firefly in. I told it all my secret hopes and dreams. My fears and anxieties, I told it about all that I was ashamed of, and all that I was proud of. And it seemed the more I talked, the brighter it glowed. So I talked a little more, and it glowed a little more. And then it was already dark. And the firefly had to return to its home up in heaven amongst the stars. So we said our goodbyes and I watched it fly away. Up, up, up to where it belonged. And though I do not always see it, I know it’s there. Up and above with all my dreams and longings. And me. I simply wait.

Friday, 11 May 2012

Is it really the last time? Really?

When you do something wrong to someone and say you are sorry,do you actually mean it?
And do you pray in your heart of hearts that you will never do it again? Well i do. At that moment in time,I am more that 100% sure that I will never ever ever do it again.And if I am lucky enough to be forgiven,then I try to make sure it doesn't happen.

So what happens if,by some unprecedented,unseen twist of fate, you actually do it again? And again.And again.And again.And yet each time,you are still as sincere as you were the first time about your apologies.And still with the same determination,you believe you will not do it again.Are you to be forgiven?And if you are, is this for your own good or does this leniency actually disrupt the whole process of you becoming a better person by learning from you mistakes?

And does this make the other person a fool for forgiving you over and over again?Is it all done in the spirit of love and acceptance? Or does this in a way show that you are subconsciuosly taking this person for granted? Does it mean that this mistake you keep making is a part of who you are and that trying to change will always be in vain? At what point does it stop being understanding from the oother person and become sheer ridiculous for them to forgive you again?