I have two terrible habits, and each one compliments the other and magnifies it.
The first one involves giving up on people too easily. When someone, especially someone I consider a friend does something insensitive, cruel or downright evil, at the back of my head something snaps and that person’s name is immediately transferred to the black book in my mind. Now I know what you’re thinking; everybody makes mistakes once in a while, and I know that too! I just can’t help myself.
Maybe I should explain that the black book doesn't necessarily mean that I spit whenever I see you… it just means that from now on, I have to watch what I say or do around you very closely, which might as well be the end of our friendship because once I have to watch what I say and do around you, I’m not going to see the point in hanging around you anymore because i) I can’t be bothered. Ii) I don’t have that energy and iii) I’m all about genuine. So all in all, in the long run, I will still have given up on you. I may or may not tell you but I’ll know it.
Sometimes, on a given Sunday afternoon, when life is dull and my phone isn't buzzing and all my in-competences are swirling through my head constantly, so many questions and I need answers, I may decide to pick up my phone and call up an individual who is in the black book. This is the second bad habit and it spills over into almost all areas of my life; I don’t stick to my decisions long enough to notice a difference mostly because i) I can’t be bothered, ii) I don’t have the energy and iii) I’m all about genuine and at that moment in time, I genuinely want to talk to said individual. I will rationalize and defend and justify my actions at that moment because it’s convenient there and then. When the moment of crisis has passed, we will start the vicious cycle once again.
No, I’m not a terrible uptight judgmental person. I’m just learning how to effectively deal with the curve balls that life throws at me, especially at an escalating rate the older you grow. Here’s what I have learned from my two bad habits so far;
1) Take your time: don’t be quick to judge and rule out some things and some people. Make decisions slowly, after you have thought them through and have given them enough time.
2) Stick to your guns: once you have made this carefully-thought-out and wise decision, stick with it. No matter how hard or tiresome or inconvenient it becomes, your word is your honor. If you said you would do it, then do it.
Yup. That’s it.