Monday, 27 May 2013

Still believing...

“We're soul mates," he says. "We are forever. Our kind of love cannot be destroyed.”
Stacey Jay, Juliet Immortal.

Yesterday I watched the E! True Hollywood Story of  The late Patrick Swayze. Most people knew him for the passionate actor that he was. But I was really moved by his relationship with his wife. They met when she was fifteen, and even though he moved to another city to chase his dreams,he came back,married her in the back yard of her parents house because they couldnt afford all the proper wedding works, and then they both left their home town Texas with only $2000 to start a new life together. Unlike most hollywood marriages,they stayed together,throughout his addictions, childlessness, cancer and everything. There were never rumours of a divorce or a split up or infidelity. Right to the day of his death, it was true love.

Patrick Swayze(RIP) and wife.
Needless to say,watching this took me back to the days when being in love actually meant something and could be seen by all. And even though most of the world nolonger believes in such a thing as true love,including most of my friends,no doubt due to all the negative experiences, and even though there are times when my faith also dwindles,I still believe in it. I believe in soulmates,being so united with someone,you are literally one being. I still  believe that its possible to find a bestfriend and lover all in one person and to be able to fully and without restrain give your heart and everything to them and getting the same;to breathe the same air they breathe, to hurt when they hurt and to have only the two of you in your own little world forever. Its not easy to find,but I wont stop looking and hoping....


Came across this article a while back and today i decided to share it.

Leah LaRocco | Women You Should Know
As I grew up, there were certain things in life I was made ready for. My parents lovingly prepared me for milestones such as my first day of school. I sat in classrooms with educators who taught me how to be conscientious about the planet, how to form a coherent sentence, how to do complicated math that to this day I have never used, and eventually how to take tests that prepared me for higher education.
Then I went to college for training in the field of my choice, where I sat in larger classrooms and had experiences that would prepare me for a profession, thereby enabling me to enter the real world and somehow survive.
In spite of all this intentional, quite expensive preparation for navigating the waters of life, one thing I was never prepared for was ending up in my 30s, questioning dating and marriage, wondering what on earth I am doing with my life.
As young girls, it seems we are programmed to be excited about our wedding day. Then we go to college and watch our girlfriends get engaged and married in apocalyptic proportions. Soon they start having kids like the survival of the population depends on their specific uterus. Then down the road some of the marriages devastatingly fall apart and you become a shoulder to cry on because you are still unmarried and know what it’s like to be alone.
All of these are very meaningful happenings in the lives of those we love and care about, but we are rarely prepared for the emotions that flood our hearts when we realize their lives are moving forward and ours seem to be standing still.
The thing which took me a very long time to realize is that being alone does not translate to standing still. Pursuing a successful career, traveling, and fixing up my home while being unmarried does not mean my life is stagnant, but rather, means I am chasing dreams that do not include a man yet.
In her book "A Gift From The Sea," Anne Morrow Lindbergh reminds us, “Actually, these are among the most important times in one’s life – when one is alone. The artist knows he must be alone to create; the writer, to work out his thoughts; the musician, to compose; the saint, to pray. But women need solitude in order to find again the true essence of themselves: that firm strand which will be the indispensable center of a whole web of human relationships.”
One day a married coworker was talking about getting ready for an event the previous night. She said, “I don’t know how single people zip up the back of a dress.” This got me thinking. What else do single people do that married people take for granted? How do single people drain pasta? Fold fitted sheets? Open jars? Know if their jeans make them look fat? It’s truly a miracle that we survive! Do you get where I’m going with this?
At some point, after being asked the question of when I’m getting married one too many times, I began to feel incomplete. What society expected of me had not yet happened in my life, therefore something must be wrong. I echo the sentiments of the heroine in Laurie Viera Rigler’s "Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict" when she says, “I resent it being a truth universally acknowledged, no matter what era I find myself in, that a single woman of thirty must be in want of a husband.”
I do want a husband, but I also want to be a whole and happy individual even if I never get married. There are things I wish I could go back and tell myself at twenty-one that might have prepared me a little better for this space I find myself in. Perhaps a letter that could travel back in time and say:
Dear 21 Year Old Self,As you leave college you will be thrown into the world without a life preserver, expected to swim upstream through challenges and hopes and dreams you never knew would come your way. I, your future self, want to tell you a little of what lies ahead so that in your darkest moments you will have hope that all is not lost.
You have been blessed with the most wonderful friends! I am happy to report that the ones you value most now will still be your closest friends in 10 years. You will come to understand that a man is not the answer to the fulfillment you seek. Your heart will be broken a few times and you will feel like you cannot survive the loss, but you will. In fact, you will not be married when you hit your 30s, but will be in a relationship you hope will eventually get there… after several years.
You will work at a really crappy job that you hate and then you will be unemployed for 13 months before landing your dream job. Your friends will get engaged, married, and then all have children at the same time, 10 in one year. Then they will have second children all at the same time. You will buy so many presents for other people’s showers, you will seriously consider pulling a Carrie Bradshaw and registering at Manolo Blahnik just for the hell of it. Some days you will feel like you are going insane and are so “behind schedule”. The timeline in your head is imaginary, it does not exist. You will turn into a crazy cat person who sends out Christmas cards with pictures of your cats in retaliation for all the Christmas cards you receive with babies on them.
You will go to Italy and love it so much that you decide to learn the language one day. Facebook will constantly make you wonder if something is wrong with you. Ignore it. You will lose a beloved grandparent. You will buy a house by yourself. You will miss the place you grew up so much and your heart will ache to go back there, but you will remain where your work has led you and visit often.
And through all of these situations when you question where your life is going and wonder if you made a big fat mistake, you will feel blessed by the love you have in your life. There will be moments when you stand looking out your kitchen window thinking back over the years and catch your breath at the treasures that exist in your life. You will deal with feelings of jealousy, depression, inadequacy, and hopelessness at times, but will emerge from each situation with resilience, a greater capacity to love, and the understanding that your story is your story and not anyone else’s. This knowledge, plus good friends to encourage you along the way, will bring you peace.
With Respect for the Woman You Will Be,
Your Future 30-Something Self

This post originally appeared at Women You Should Know. Reposted with permission.

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

In the Morning by the sea...(read pool).

Today morning, I went to work (ok, not really work but something of the sort). I went earlier than usual, mostly because the place where I was going has this really cozy restaurant right next door that hasn’t yet been discovered by everyone and has a lovely pool view, especially in the morning; not forgetting delicious breakfast specials.

 I wanted to have a quiet morning by myself so I could wallow in whatever emotions I was feeling before it got crowded and I was forced to socialize. Plus I was having a long sad morning and I needed to brainstorm about the way forward regarding a certain area of my life…

 Anyway, I get to my cafe and move to the other side to sit by the pool and ponder, and lo and behold, there was already someone! Seated in my usual spot! Lounging so casually as if he did not know that he was seated where I usually sit and would want to continue sitting. Not only was he warming my seat (and I prefer my seats cool and fresh) but he was one of those people whose face would be recognized almost anywhere by almost anyone, a celebrity if you must. Goodbye to the seclusion and low numbers of particular people that usually came here. People would start to flood this place after this!!

  But I was not to be deterred. I moved on to the next seat and started to make conversation with one of the guys that was cleaning the pool in order to calm down and get over my disappointment. After exchanging pleasantries with him (because even when you steal my seat, I still remember my manners) and just as I was about to settle into the seat on the next table, Mr. Celebrity has the balls to ask me to join him. Clearly it was an invite to conversation as I could see from the left-overs of a very strange mix of foods for breakfast on the plate in front of him that he had already had his. I thought, ok, why not? You’ve already warmed the seat anyway… so I joined him. And then the strangest thing happened.

 We talked non-stop for about three hours. And I’m not talking about dragged out conversation where one has to grasp at strings of some far-fetched topic in order to sustain the convo, no. It was the kind that flowed non-stop, had lots of laughs involved and needed no explanation. It was a good conversation. The likes of which I had not had in a long time. With a stranger.

 Apart from making my morning, and probably whole day better, I must say it renewed my dwindling faith in the human race. There’s still good people out there, you just have to be open minded and flexible enough to give them and yourself a chance.