Monday, 13 August 2018

I made it


It's his graduation day. 

You would not believe the odds he has had to overcome to get here. 



All these people looking at him and cheering on as he walks to the podium to receive his certificate only see the new black robe with a Maroon sash. They only see his wide smile, fresh haircut and designer shoes. He walks with his head slightly tilted to one side, as if studying the situation. Although the smile barely shows any teeth, it goes straight to his eyes.

He made it. Atwooki has made it.

All the statistics said he wouldn't make it. Everyone back home said he would never get far. Heck; his own mother said he would never amount to anything. And after a while, he had come to believe he never would.

When the result slip for his Primary Leaving Examinations showed he had barely passed, no one was surprised. He had hung his head low and accepted the hoe that his mother had handed him. His school days were over, she had said. There was no point in paying for his school anymore with her already insufficient money if he couldn’t even get a first grade. His father had been absent of course, having spent the night away from home that day. His parents had had a bitter fight, words had been exchanged, and he had been dealt a blow or two meant for his mother, just for being in the room at that time.



For a year, he had tended his family garden, oblivious of the sun, unmoved by the bruises and cuts. The only time it hurt was when he saw Jibril and Sam walk by on their way to the Missionary Secondary school. On days where it hurt more than usual, he kept to himself and barely said a word. Most days, his mother did not notice whether he was present or not. In the dim light of the kerosene lamp back in his bedroom, he would lay on the sisal mat, stare at the red iron sheets and contemplate the least painful way to end his life.

All that changed when Mpuga had opened a carpentry shop in the town three kilometers from his home. Mpuga was only six years older but had been to the capital city and made so much money. If only he would let him work for school tuition…

That was over a decade ago. He here is now, graduating with Honors as a mechanical engineer, a good job with a fat salary already lined up. Nobody knew how he had done it. Nobody knew the full story, not even Mpuga, bless him. Nobody knew how many times he had to meet Ms. Roseanne behind the canteen, cater to her needs just so she would let him sit for the End of year exams. Nobody knew the number of beatings he had endured back home, acting as a human shield for his mother, when she had grown too weak to fight his father. Nobody knew the number of times he had worked straight through the night only to head to lectures at 8:00 in the morning, not even Mpuga knew about those tales. Nobody knew how many times he thought of just giving up.


As he reaches the podium, the fullness of this moment overwhelms him, and he lets the tears fall. The crowd is now cheering even louder. Old ladies he doesn’t know get up from their seats and continue to clap. Two of his female friends pull handkerchiefs from their gowns and wipe a few tears of their own. Mpuga stands on the second row from the front, between his sister and Professor Ndabindi. He is not clapping or cheering, just standing still. He keeps the smile plastered to his face; everyone will think they are tears of joy. Their eyes meet. ‘You can breathe now, Atwooki,’ Mpuga’s eyes seem to say, ‘you made it’.  



"Violence means any form of physical, emotional or mental injury or abuse, neglect, maltreatment
and exploitation, including sexual abuse, intentional use of physical force or power, threatened
or actual, against an individual which may result in or has a high likelihood of resulting in injury,
death, psychological harm, mal-development or deprivation."

#EndViolenceAgainstChildren #InvestInUgandaChildren

Photo Credit: UNICEF Uganda

Monday, 6 August 2018

High School memoirs


This is a true story.


I remember the day she walked into my life. It was a quiet sunny day in school, and I was skipping class. New students were still reporting so the dormitories were left open all day. It was my first time in a new school and already the monotony of every day routine promised a dull gray three months ahead. Being the first few days, most of us were still feeling out the place, seeing who was who, and weighing our social options. Mine didn’t look promising. I had already resigned myself to counting down the days until I was back home. Just as I started to head back to class, she walked into the dormitory.

"If I were to write down all the schemes we pulled off over the years, I’m pretty sure people would look for me with machetes


She was late, fashionably late as I would come to learn, but she walked in like she already knew exactly what to do. As fate would have it, we were in the same class.  I have tried to define that look on her face when I first saw her for years, but the word has eluded me. Until now. Mischief. That’s the look she had in her eyes. There was excitement and trouble and freedom and happiness and strategy all mingled up in that one look. And I loved it. The moment her mother drove off, she turned to me with a smile on her face, and asked for directions to our class. Little did I know that my life had just changed forever. We walked from the stone walk, through the lower pitch and up to the canteen "boy's end" for approximately ten minutes, but by the time we stopped at the canteen to buy us some cold sodas, (it being a hot day and all), I knew all the important things I needed to know about Alice.

She knew everyone and everything. She talked non-stop about past escapades as well as future escapades. She asked if so and so was in this school too. She was making plans for us for tomorrow as well as six months later. She talked about boys, and girls. She talked about clothes and shoes. She knew all the famous actors and models. She smiled back when a boy smiled. She was sure. As someone that was way out of my depth already, sure was the one thing I was looking for. There, right there on that huge log, right in front of the canteen, in the first week of high school, a Fanta in my hand and a Coca-Cola in hers, I knew. This was fate.

We were inseparable; there was even a nickname to that effect. If I were to write down all the schemes we pulled off over the years, I’m pretty sure people would look for me with machetes. I would need a whole book for just one half of it. Most of it started out as innocent fun, but many of us got hurt along the way. Some of it I cannot remember but I’m almost certain some of it was illegal. What amused me the most were the rumors that came with all that; some were simply outrageous. But who cared; I was having the time of my life! I remember times when I would count down the days until I would be returning to school. I had never felt so free in my life. I absorbed the side of me that Alice brought out the same way a sponge sucks up water. I thrived in my new skin.



“Moonless nights haunt me. They evoke remembrances of a carefree life when I dreamed without doubt to what my future could be. I yearn for a time when my mother’s tree swayed beneath the dusk like an amber sea, but the past is locked without a key. Never to return—only flee” 


As with most stories, the good times didn’t last forever. I can’t even talk about how things went wrong just yet, where it all became toxic. If it were her, she would probably blurt it out and then ask “too soon?” as an afterthought, sheepish grin on her face. I look back on that time now and ask myself, if I knew what I know now, would I change anything?

That’s a thought-train for another day.

Friday, 3 August 2018

The kind of girl you like



I see it in the way your eyes avoid mine: your pursed lips and poorly-concealed emotion,
All the questions that go unanswered, the judgment in each pause,
The unspoken expectations and passive aggressiveness
You would never say it to my face but I can smell it on you like garlic on breath.
You wish I was softer around the edges
You prefer if I didn’t speak so loud
If only I walked slightly behind you and not next to
You wish I wasn’t so ambitious because women should know their place
My clothes should be more flowery and slightly longer.
I shouldn’t look you directly in the eye or question what you say so often
If only I kept my opinions to myself.
You wish I didn’t have so many friends and didn’t get invited to so many parties
You prefer I wasn’t so confident; no woman should be so whole,
We all need a certain level of brokenness.
It keeps us humble, shows us our position in the grand scheme of things
I see it in your posture; the way you seat facing away from me
I can read you like a book even if you would never admit it
You wish I wasn’t so beautiful, didn’t get as much attention as I do.
Because admitting that is the kind of girl you like would be admitting
That there’s a dark chauvinist narcissist part of you and surely that can’t be true.
So you wait quietly as I change my order three times in a restaurant,
Barely hiding the twitch of your lips
You smile as I receive my awards, clapping the hardest and smiling the widest, with eyes cold as ice.
You look at me, in that moment hating me for the very same reason you love me.
Hating yourself as well for feeling the way that you do
Confused because sometimes you like it and other times you don’t
But we are laughing now, enjoying a private joke over a delicious meal
You hold my hand and look lovingly into my eyes; you’ll deal with changing me tomorrow.

Monday, 30 July 2018

Oh be careful little eyes

I try to steer clear of writing about trending topics.  Actually not try to, I usually run as far away as I can from any current debates. This is because I’m never on one side long before I learn something new and then switch to the other side. Also because there will always be a smart ass (or two) that has done much more research than you have and is not shy about dragging your meager facts in the dust. Then there’s always the activist demanding to know why you are hiding behind the computer instead of going out into the streets to do something about it.

However…

A recent trending topic has caught my attention.

#MenAreTrash

Probably not in the way you’re thinking. Apparently, this is a movement that started in South Africa to raise awareness about the violence (physical, emotional, psychological etc) suffered by women at the hands of men. Over the past week in Twitterville Uganda, we have seen this hash-tag generate a good amount of support and an opposing side rise up to defend these men, under various hash-tags but basically stating that not all men are trash. Mothers defending sons, wives defending husbands and even men defending themselves. I took a few minutes to read through some of the tweets that have been posted and a strange thing started to happen.

Although I started out with a pretty much neutral mindset, the more I read angry tweet after angry tweet, the more I begun to feel a certain rage rising up in me. Mind you, this is not the kind of rage that manifests in clenched fists or faster breathing. Neither is it the kind of anger that makes you snap at the person next to you or throw glasses at a wall. This kind of rage is sneaky. It’s a seed that’s planted ever so silently and softly that if you are not keen, you would never know it was there. It’s the kind that takes it’s time to slowly suck nutrients from all the other parts of the body until it is nourished enough to germinate and take root. With every passing day, it grows stronger, and bolder and bigger until one day it demands to take control.

The human brain works in mysterious ways.


Suddenly, I was outlining every single mistake every man has ever made in life. As if we women are perfect. Suddenly everything that went wrong with the world was linked to a man in one way or the other. The more examples I read of how terrible men are, the more examples I found. And then it hit me; what you feed grows. In that moment, a nursery rhyme came to mind. We used to sing it in Sunday school but it never made sense then.

“Oh be careful little eyes what you see,
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the father up above is looking down in love
So be careful little eyes what you see.

Oh be careful little ears what you hear
Oh be careful little ears what you hear
For the father up above is looking down in love
So be careful little ears what you hear.

Oh be careful little tongue what you say
Oh be careful little tongue what you say
For the father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little tongue what you say.”

I used to think this rhyme was telling us to be careful because God is watching so any mistake you made would not only be recorded but avenged too. Now I realize what it actually meant was be careful what you allow in, through what you see, hear or what is said. It may look harmless at first, but there’s always something that’s planted that will grow for sure. It now made sense why we are always encouraged to focus on the positive. The human brain works in mysterious ways.  I’m not saying there aren’t abusive men in the world, and I’m not by any means justifying abuse of any kind. I'm also not saying we should stay quiet about abuse specifically suffered by women but I can say for a fact that in just those few minutes, these tweets had planted a seed of negativity and the more I read, the faster it grew. It wasn’t the constructive type of growth. It wasn’t the kind that made me want to go out and impact positive change. It was the kind that made me want to glare at any man that passed by. I knew I had to deal with it swiftly and decisively.

We live in a fallen world where no one is perfect. If there’s something you can bet on, it’s that someone will hurt you in one way or the other and this means that it’s easy to become bitter with or without negative messages plastered in front of you. While it may be hard to control what others, do, say or think, we at least still have the power to filter what we allow in.

Friday, 20 July 2018

A re-post: Five pieces of advice I’m happy I didn’t take

"Everything in moderation, including moderation." Oscar Wilde


                           

All my life I’ve been surrounded with people trying to give me their two cents. Most of them had good intentions but some of them didn’t. Some was solicited advice and some not. As a young girl, you generally tend to listen to those that seem older, wiser and like they’ve been there. It took a whole lot of years and growth to realize that not all advice is to be taken at face value. It took lots and lots of mistakes to know that it won’t always turn out for you like it did for the one advising you, and it took a whole lot of confidence to know that all advice is to be put into consideration but not all of it is to be acted upon. I have found that for me and the specific set up that is my life, most of the advice given works better with a slight twist.

If I had to group all the advice I’ve been given over the years that I’m happy I didn’t take into five categories, it’d fall under the following;

1)      Better the devil you know than the angel you don’t know
This goes hand in hand with other common sayings like “An old broom know all the corners”, and thinking inside the box. I can’t even begin to tell you how many people even to this day still dish out this advice and I get it; it’s safe, you know exactly what you’re getting into and you can control it from start to finish. This advice was given to me in reference to friends, romantic relationships, business opportunities, travel, beauty products, name it! But guess what, the devil you now know was once an angel you didn’t know. Here’s another fact for you; you can’t control everything in life no matter how hard you try. Here’s another even truer fact; nothing great was ever achieved in a comfort zone. You have to take some risks. I’m not saying throw caution to the wind, but allow yourself to step out of your box of comfort and try something new. It can be a calculated risk (there’s professionals now that can do that for you). Life in itself is a risk because you could die at any minute. I’m glad I didn’t take this advice so literally because some of these “angels I didn’t know” turned out to be some of the best decisions I ever made!
Twist: Give the angel you don’t know at least one chance and then make an informed non-biased and open-minded decision.

2)      When in Rome, do as the Romans do
Spoiler alert; sometimes even the “Romans” are looking for fresh ideas! They are looking for someone with a fresh perspective to shake things up a little bit. I must warn you that this has a lot to do with timing. My friends and colleagues have told me repeatedly to try to blend in. Keep your head down and do what others do but I can assure you that I’ve seen this piece of advice disproved over and over especially in the work setting. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always a good idea to first find out how the “Romans” have been doing it and why they’ve been doing it that way, but after you have this information, don’t be afraid to respectfully speak out about the ideas brewing in your mind that could improve efficiency where needed. I remember this one high school I went to where girls were allowed to wear their hair long but only if it was in its natural state. This was a time before we had easy access to all the amazing Natural hair products on the market today. Because of the natural texture of African hair, water is like the worst enemy for most hair-do’s. By the time I joined this school, shampoo was persona-non-grata on the Beginning of term shopping list. Washing your hair while at school was A CRIME. When I inquired as to why no one ever dared to have shampoo, it was because no one needed it since no one was going to risk washing their hair in school. Everyone believed that if you did, your hair would shrink beyond redemption. So when I began to carry shampoo with me to school, the other girls watched from a safe distance as I embarked on washing my hair at least once a week. Yes, the hair did shrink but it would be back to its normal state within a day. It wasn’t long before shampoo was appearing on the shopping lists of more girls in that school. I’m not saying your new-age ideas will always be accepted with open arms but the worst that could happen is your idea being rejected. On the flip side of that coin, the potential benefits are limitless.
Twist: When in Rome, find out why the Romans do what they do, then “pimp that joint up!!”

3)      Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve
I have to admit that this advice was accurate more times than I preferred. For a long while it felt like every time I didn’t listen to this advice, I got burned. For me, it translated into “don’t trust people” and “never give your all because you will be disappointed”, and let’s face it, in this world, there’s enough disappointment to serve seven billion people. One thing kept me coming back though: PASSION.  I couldn’t bring myself to do things just for the sake of it. Passion was literally what drove me, it was my fuel. Without it, I was like a car with no engine and that would have been of no use to myself or those around me. It took me a while but eventually I developed a healthy balance that allows me to be passionate in whatever I do while being careful. I learnt about forgiving those that misused my trust. I learned that you can still love people from a distance. I learned that trust is earned not just given. I learned that wearing your heart on your sleeve does not necessarily mean being as sweet as a Georgia peach 24/7. I learned what to say and what to keep to myself and how to differentiate the two. I also learned that there will be times when actions will speak louder than words and other times when words will be of greater impact. I learned that not everybody wished you well so sometimes you have to tread carefully. I learned that even after learning all these things, you will still get disappointed every now and then and that’s OK. But I learned all these with heart. And passion. This is the one piece of advice that I’m ever so glad I didn’t take because it has helped me GROW into the person I am. It has made me strong and brave and “full of life”.
Twist: Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, but wear it somewhere anyway.

4)      Money changes people
Wow. This is for me, by far the most complex of all pieces of advice I've been given. Even to this day, it feels like I’m still discovering the entirety of what it means. It could mean that when someone starts to make a lot of money, then they start to act like they are better than everyone else. It could also mean that when someone starts to make a lot of money, they expect to be treated better than everyone else. It could also mean that when someone starts to make a lot of money, you need to treat them better than anyone else. Now I am a firm believer in the Bible and it says (to paraphrase) not to treat someone better because they are rich or worse because they are poor but we all know that’s not the reality we are living in. I will say this however, from my observation, even before this rich individual changes, the people around him/her start to change. Once you start to become more successful, people change the way they talk to you, the way they treat you and even the way they talk about you. For me, it looks like money doesn’t really change you the person as much as it changes those around you. And this refers to making money as equally as it does to losing money. Usually, the person in question will change in reaction to the change in the people around him/her. So maybe before you start judging a person for their good (or bad) fortune and how it has changed them, first be sure that it hasn’t changed you more.
Twist: money changes people, but not before it changes those around them.

5)      A leopard never changes its spots
The final piece of advice I’m glad I didn’t take is this one. For me, it talks about not only giving second chances but also the gift of acceptance. Now as a person that has received more second chances in this life time than I deserve, I admit I may be a little biased. But which one of us has never messed up so bad that you would do just about anything for a chance to turn back time and do it all different, for a chance to make amends? Which one of us can say they are the exact same person they were five, ten years ago, nothing at all has changed in their character? Why is it that we are so lenient with ourselves and not the same with others? Why is it that we believe we have changed for the better but the evil person you knew ten years ago is always going to be that way? I am not ashamed to say that I am a leopard whose spots changed and continue to change for the better! This goes back to advice #1 above. I mean I’m not going to trust you with my bank account details if the last time we met you conned me and cleaned it out, and I definitely won’t write a recommendation for you for your job as a cashier, but that doesn’t mean I won’t give you a place to crash for a few days when you’re in a tight spot, or attend your child’s christening. I will give you the benefit of a doubt and allow you to prove yourself. These chances have a limit in number of course (I’m not Jesus. Although I’m working towards that. Can I get an Amen?!), but you can be sure it will be more than one. Because from one leopard to another, spots can change. Sometimes all the leopard needs is someone willing to see that.
Twist: Some leopards never change their spots, some just need you to look closer.

I’m grateful to have people in my life that take time to drop some wisdom on me, but for the five pieces above, I’m even more grateful that I never listened.

Monday, 28 May 2018

#Forevermood


"When all the chips are down, I will always be around...Just to be right there where you are my love".

Something about this video; that brief instrumental at the intro of the song as Whitney smiles takes me back to a time when I was maybe ten or eleven. You have to be an old soul to appreciate it.



#Mood  #Moodforever

Picture yourself in those woods, let's say they are woods surrounding a little cottage and you're out for a stroll. It's winter but you're really warm (thanks in part to the warm feeling in your chest but also to the fabulous coat you have on). There's Christmas lights running up and down the trees. There's Violin and Piano  music playing in the background. You're away from all the hustle and bustle of the city. You believe in miracles and dreams coming true. You're in love and for that brief moment, everything is as it should be.








Sunday, 29 April 2018

How Kullein got her groove back; starting over for the 99th time



‘Does it really count as starting over if you’re doing it for the nth time?’

‘Isn’t that more of a re-arrangement than an overhaul?’

‘Does it have to be an overhaul to count as a start-over?’

All these questions run through my mind as I look through red-rimmed eyelids at the grey wooden toilet door. I’ve been seated in this stall for about almost an hour hoping that I will finally compose myself long enough to walk back to my desk and act like nothing is happening. It’s a narrow stall; I can’t even spread my hands out fully in opposite directions, but somehow I like that. Every fifteen minutes or so, I get up, flush the toilet (to make it look like it was nothing but an exceptionally long call) and then reach for the door. The tears then make a re-appearance and I sit back down. It’s not smelly thank God, and the white wall tiles are surprisingly well kept. A one Gerald stuck a note on the inside of the toilet door basically threatening us into remembering bathroom etiquette; “If you sprinkle as you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat”. Does Gerald know that this means people are thinking of him almost every time they answer nature’s call?

I don’t want to go back to face the world. I’m so tired of “adulting”. Should I just feign sickness and head home early? I’m so angry, and sad, and full of regret and self-pity, a cocktail of emotions I haven’t had to sip on in so long that even though I know it’s not really the first time, the intensity feels strange. It’s like that cousin you were best friends with when you were ten but when you meet up fifteen years later as adults, you have nothing to say to each other. Familiar, but strange.



KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. ‘Is someone in there?’ I must have got lost in thought for a few minutes because I hear a group of girls mumbling outside, something about the stall having been locked for the longest time.

‘GO AWAY’!!!! is what I’m thinking, but I’ve been raised well enough to get up from the covered toilet seat slightly to reach the stall door and knock in reply to let them know there IS someone in here. I sit back down, roll off some more tissue and wipe the snot running freely out my nose. Phew, this has been an intense weeping for sure. I don’t even need to look in a mirror to know my eyes are extremely swollen. I’m relying on the fact that most people at work are so uncomfortable around misery that they would rather act like they don’t see your puffy eyes than have to ask what happened.

It’s been a tough week emotionally. Today is the fifth day in a row that I’ve received bad news; no scratch that, more like catastrophic news. It feels like life has been given the exclusive mandate to keep delivering blow after blow until I finally give in and stay down. My hopes and dreams are driving off smiling into the sunset in a Mercedes convertible with a license plate that has a hand with the middle finger up, leaving me standing by myself, staring in the parking lot. Disappointment always cuts deep, no matter how many times you’ve been there and it’s in this brightly-lit cold toilet stall that I must mourn, get myself together and start over all at the same time.

My hopes and dreams...driving off!


Luckily, I’m quite methodical. If I think back far enough, I should be able to remember a chapter from this old book. I’m sure there’s a formula buried somewhere in the dog-eared pages of the well-kept leather-bound book called Experience. There it is. “Getting your groove back; How to start over for the 99th time”. I start flipping and try to memorize each word.

·       -Don’t do it alone- That should be easy. I have amazing friends and a great family. I prefer to be alone for now but I’ll remember this in a day or two.
·   -Do it anyway- This will come in handy when my feelings and my responsibilities are at opposite poles. I’ll remember this because at the end of the day, a girl’s gotta eat.
·       -Do it continually- Basically go through the motions. Fake it till you make it. Got it.
·      -Do what you do best- That I can do as well. Put aside what I’m failing at for now and focus on perfecting what I’m doing well. This is so productive!

The tears have stopped and the bathroom is clear of humans. ‘If I don’t move now, I might not leave today. Don’t think, just do.’ I get up as fast as I can and yank the stall door open. Bye-bye Gerald. I didn’t tinkle so we are ok. I throw a quick look at the mirror outside the stall and confirm my swollen eye suspicions. Keeping my eyes fixed on the ground, I walk out of the bathroom and towards my desk, No one stops me, no one notices me. It’s only once I’m seated at my desk typing away that I notice a colleague staring at me. She quickly looks away when our eyes meet. That’s what I thought. I resume my typing.

Before I know it, it’s time to head home. I made it. I made it through today. Tomorrow is another day.


Saturday, 31 March 2018

Coming Full Circle


It’s been an action-packed few weeks, and by action packed, I don’t mean the physical action. I mean so much happening all at once. Some things were good, some not so good and naturally with that came a roller-coaster of emotions.  However, one emotion now overrides all the others I’ve been dealing with; Thankfulness.

I could write a hundred books on all that I’ve learnt in just the past month. I could tell you how I’m learning about what’s most important in life. I could tell you about all the people that will disappoint you no matter how close they are to you. I could tell you everything that has gone left instead of going right. But I’ll also tell you that for each thing that went left, five others have gone right. For every person that disappointed, three others have stepped up to the plate. For every gap that was left, it was filled to overflow, and for the places where the coin showed tails, it was completely flipped to show heads.

I’ve never claimed to be a saint, (#girlwithapast, #girlwithafuture), but the few things and people I’ve loved, I’ve done to the best of my ability. On the top of that list, is my love for God, and somewhere in the first half is my passion for writing. These two things have held a place in my heart for as long as I can remember.  Recognition was never my goal, and I didn’t expect a prize for what I did in regard to those two areas. It was like something you know for a fact in your heart and somehow, that’s enough for you. What I wanted to do was get better at loving God and continue to write whenever I could. That’s why I joined Bible Study Fellowship (B.S.F) over six years ago. And that’s why I started by writing for the school magazine back in high school. So for me it was not a coincidence that among all the other things that have happened lately, the same week I was approached to become a leader at B.S.F is the same week I was asked to write an article for my former high school’s magazine. For me, it was like coming full circle. In the words of certain Kung-Fu masters, “the student becomes the master”! These aren’t earth-shattering and they wouldn’t make prime time News but to me, they were like a wink from God, as if to say nothing goes unnoticed by Him. As if to say “I see your heart, and I got you”.

And so now, I can also tell you how I’m learning that instead of being filled with worry, my heart should overflow with gratitude. And hope. And a renewed zeal to just go out there and keep doing some good. It doesn’t matter how small and insignificant you think it was, and it doesn’t matter if no one was there to see you do it.

Be deliberate about what you put out into the universe; because if you’re patient enough and never stop believing, what you put out will always come back to you.

Thursday, 22 February 2018

Soundtracks to the movie about my life



The people who get to make a movie on my life will be lucky bastards, if I do say so myself. It will definitely be a full color picture in HD that will break box office records and win some Oscars! It will give such an adrenaline rush and have people gripping the edges of their seats and re-thinking the way they are living; ‘filimu yamasasi’ basically! But the best part of that movie will be the soundtracks!

1.       Knowing you Jesus - Graham Kendrick
I have been back and front, had some experiences that I thought were life changing. I have met some pretty incredible people and ticked impressive boxes on my ‘To-do list’, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING could ever compare to knowing Jesus the way that I have gotten to and continue to do. Everything that I am, every good thing that you think you may see in me, everything that I will ever be, will be because of God in my life. If this soundtrack is left out of the movie of my life, then it’s a lie.

2.       I lived - One republic
Everything I’ve done, I’ve done with all I got. This means that the highs felt like flying in a clear blue sky, and that the lows were felt with equal intensity. I’ve felt happiness, and excitement and pleasure, and fear and anger and pain. I’ve known true love and heartbreak. I’ve felt my heart explode with elation and seen my eyes red and puffy from tears. I’ve danced in the rain and camped in forests. I’ve eaten salads and sung in the church choir. I’ve had a movie marathon at the cinema and eaten breakfast on the floor. I’ve been above the clouds and in the water. I’ve owned every single second of my life.

3.       Photograph – Nickelback
Because each moment was so well lived, I find myself looking back often with fondness. I wonder how my old friends are doing, and where life has taken them. I remember how big everything seemed then and see how small it is now. I wonder if I’d change anything If I was ever given the chance to go back. I wonder if people remember me the way that I remember them. I wonder how differently things could have turned out if I’d made different choices. I wonder how different things will be five, ten years from now. Sometimes I miss those days, but most times, I’m excited about what’s to come.

4.       Like I’m gonna lose you - Meghan Trainor and John Legend
Relationships are such a big part of my life, especially romantic ones. Believe it or not, romantics still exist. We still believe in the old-fashioned till-forever kind of love. We still believe in true love. We believe in soul-mates and meant-to-be. If we’ve loved you, then you can be sure we went all in. Tomorrow is not promised, and you never know what could happen to those in your life right now. So I believe in loving like today is your last day, and I believe this will be reflected in my life movie.

5.       Do or die - Thirty seconds to Mars
This soundtrack will refer to all the millions of times I’ve had to and will have to start over. It will show that I did not taking anything for granted, but also I was never be afraid to begin again. It will talk about how I lived with no regrets.
Someone once said that the biggest mistake we can make is thinking we have time. I could not agree more.