Went over to the airport today, waited for Charlieto arrive, a feeling of anticipation in my gut, wondered if this is how you felt each time you came to pick her…did you embrace? Was there that awkward moment where you don’t know what to say to each other, or know how to act? Did you call her ‘love’ and look her deep in the eyes or did you quickly reach for her luggage and save it all for the ride back home?
Drove quietly along the highway, watched all the planes that were packed in the hangar, dreamed of being in one of them one day. Dreamed of going to a place far away, where I could start over…would I still have you? Did the two of you look at these same planes? Did you share your dreams and plans for the future along this same route? Did she point out one of those planes and say something that made you laugh sincerely? Made the awkwardness disappear that it was as if you were back to the times you had just met?
Drove into our packing lot, carried the luggage into the house. Went straight to the fridge for a cold drink. Popped two painkillers to deal with the headache that was threatening to blind me. Raised my feet onto the table, the one that is right in front of the TV. Did you massage her feet when she told you they ached? Take her shoes off one by one and kiss her pink feet? Did you bring some hot cocoa to right where she was seated? And tell her she didn’t have to move a muscle while you around? Did the two of you watch TV all cuddled up?
Walked half asleep to my bed. Crawled in sadly under the covers and tried to grab onto any shreds of sleep. Were you holding her now? As tenderly as you once held me? Whispering the same words in her ear? Did you stay awake till the wee hours of the night talking about sweet nothings like we used to? Did you think of me, even for a second?
Finally drift off into a troubled sleep. Fleeting dreams, images of you and me. And her. Because now, can’t think of you without thinking of her too. And though I miss you so much I can’t breathe sometimes, it’s only fair that you and her should be together. Maybe sometime in the years to come, I will not see you in everything that crosses my path. I won’t think of you. And her.