Friday, 16 August 2013

The tree or The forest…


Having quit my job recently, I have been determined to use the time between then and my next one to enjoy life as much as possible. I have been to every single event/occasion that you can think of; from weddings upcountry to weekend getaways, to private Art exhibitions and Church lock-ins, Charity, business workshops, work outs, cook-outs, dinners, luncheons, shows, you name it.

Plus, for some reason I have also taken it upon myself to be in charge of all that I can be in charge of. I was asked to organize a small day-out for some friends, which responsibility I gladly accepted. And when one of my friends wanted to plan a surprise party, I offered to do that too. Then came the one with an upcoming baby shower, and once again there I was. Now, if you have actually organized an event before then you know that it’s usually hundreds of times more taxing that you think it is, even if it’s just getting three children together to watch a movie. But here I was taking on all of this, still wanting to be the perfect friend, sister and daughter there is, start a business, keep in shape etc, all the while battling with persistent insomnia (I refuse to take meds-check Psalms 127:2 for referenceJ) that not only has me feeling exhausted each morning when I wake up but also leaves me with an irritating headache each day. I was so determined to prove to myself and everyone that I was happy with my life.

The truth is, I’m confident about all (read ‘most’) of the decisions I’ve been making of late. Quitting my job was one of the best decisions I ever made, and I’ve never had a problem being alone, in fact my uncanny ability to move on and let go is something I’ll have to pray about. I am happy. But trying so hard to prove that I was happy was actually making me miserable and it was starting to show in the way I was treating those around me.

It’s so amazing how simpler things are when you take a step back and look at them from a distance; more as an outsider rather than the one going through it. It’s really a case of the tree and the forest. It’s always the simple things in life that matter the most.
Yes, I’m still organizing all those events, but not as consecutively as I had decided to at first, and I won’t be taking up any more responsibilities soon… ever since I realized, once again, that I’m not Super woman, I’m taking more time off to get a massage, or take a bath, or meditate, or drink some wine, eat chocolate, or simply have a sleep-in… just do me. Let’s not get so caught up in appearances that we forget completely to live.

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