Thursday, 1 August 2013

When everything changes...

July 22.

14.40hrs.

Nine little words.

How could they cause so much pain! My whole body freezes over and i cant feel my legs.I wonder if im floating...Is this what they mean by being in shock...I cant move and something at the  back of my mind has to remind me to breath. Thank goodness we have no control over the beating of our heart!Its not sinking in yet,the loss that ccomes with those few words...The finality.And the pain...

Gut-wrenching pain that starts from somewhere inside my chest and spreads to the rest of my body.I double over. I must sit,i must find somewhere to sit or sleep.For just a minute,only till i catch my breathe.

But EVERYTHING has changed,in just that one moment...Aaah,a bed.Yes,i see a bed.Ill lie down for one minute...But my eyelids are frozen too.Then comes the tears,so many of them. Didnt think i had such a bountiful reserve in me,one thats so easily accesible at that...but quiet  tears turn into angry sobs that shake the whole body and leave you feeling drained.Ill just cry some of this pain out,or else my chest might explode.But why wont it go away... Ive probably been sobbing for about an hour,or is it a day,or two...

Help me Jesus,help me or this pain will kill me. So the sobs grow quieter and smoother and gradually die out.My eyelids start to drop. Ill just close my eyes for a second now...

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