'Its funny how we always know its all in our heads and have to work our minds out of it. . .'
I guess I just wanted to be perfect.
I wanted to be the perfect person, the perfect friend, perfect sister, daughter, girlfriend, wife, mother, and most recently perfect aunt.
Whenever people said that it's too hard, that it's almost impossible to balance this with that and still have time for the other, I thought they just weren't trying hard enough. I would be the one that went the extra mile. I would put more effort until I got there. No matter what. I would do it.
Things don't always go the way we plan.
Case in point; Wednesday of the week that's just ended; I decided to take my nephews and niece for a movie. It would be fun, we would laugh and eat popcorn and high five each other and I'd be the best aunt ever. The perfect aunt. In preparation to be the perfect mother. I had it all planned out, every little detail, from the movie to the food to the games we would play. Every thing would be perfect because I go the extra mile and put in extra effort and I'm striving for perfection.
It didn't work out is the understatement of the year. I got to the house and there were five children instead of three (it's holiday time and kids like to visit their cousins) and I obviously couldn't leave the two behind... In hindsight, I should have realised at that moment that NOTHING would go as planned. But once again I thought just a little more effort and it'll all fall in place.
We arrived when the movie was halfway done, popcorn was spilled in the commotion, I knocked a wall(and I mean that literally), the food wasn't enough, it rained, the children were out of control... I failed. I wasn't super woman. No one would ask me how I did it, or if they did I wouldn't have a great honest answer. But how could I? I'd gone the extra mile in everything. I'd worked extra hard.
It's not always in your hands. Maybe because of all that fate stuff or maybe because nothing is constant apart from change, I don't know. Here's what I know now; effort might not always be everything if it's not well placed. You've got to invest your effort wisely or else you're in for some shock.