Sunday, 11 November 2012

Seven ways to know..for the ladies.



I will begin by saying I’m no expert on these issues, in fact I didn’t think  there would come a day when I would write about something like this, something so mooshy and already over explored but alas!! You have probably been given a million tips already, but who am I not to contribute afew of my own J.so here are some of the key red lights that I think you should not over look.

1. No routine
As much as I hate monotony, one is always safest with the basics when it comes to relationships. So if your boo is always saying things like ‘lets be spontaneous’ or ‘how about we just see how it goes’ as a way of getting out of making plans with you, whether it be to a movie, dinner or even an evening walk, beware. You never do anything normal couples do because its ‘too common’ or ‘that’s what everyone does’, you should be worried.

2. Always saying goodbye
Your first response to any problem is to walk away from it all. Even if he says it first, you were already thinking it anyway. Bad sign. One of the key factors of a long lasting relationship is if you can at least stay with each other in the tough times, let alone work through them.

3. Never sees you
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, NOT!!! If you are into someone and vice versa, you will think up each and any excuse to see them, even if only for a few minutes. So if you only see each other once a month, or you are always the one suggesting the meet-ups, check yourself before you wreck yourself!!!

4. Never talks about the future
It’s been three years and not even once has your so-called better-half mentioned  or included you in their future plans. And when they do, it’s very vague and your input is never required. Here’s a possible reason why: you’re not in them!!

5. No waterworks.
And this is one from personal experience(probably because this mostly applies to the ladies). For some reason, even after a fight or break-up scare, you can’t bring yourself to cry over him anymore. You want to cry, in fact you try to cry, the feeling is right there in your chest, but the tears refuse to come. REFUSE!!!

6. No show.
He is just never there when he says he will be there. He never keeps his promises, he never delivers what is required of him, doesn’t show up when he says he will, he somehow always doesn’t EXIST when you need him.

7. Semi climax.
The relationship is a constant semi-climax. Even the good times are lacking something, and try as you might to act like it’s all ok, the nagging thought is starring at you wide-eyed from the back of your head. Your whole life becomes a case of waiting for something even more exciting to happen so that maybe, maybe, you will feel the fiery overwhelming sense of happiness and completion you once used to feel.

You’re not making each other better in any way. Maybe you should consider counting your losses?

Saturday, 3 November 2012

FOR THE GENTS...


“The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”

In spite of what men like to think, women run the world. But most importantly, they run the most basic and yet crucial unit in the universe. The family.  It is your wife(or whatever variations of that have come up in the last few centuries) that determines what you wear, what you eat, what your house looks like, what kind of house you do get, the rules in your home, and last but most certainly not least, how your children are raised.


So I’m sure we all want to believe that we will be good fathers and we will spend lots of time with our kids and have a huge part in their upbringing and generally be the kind of dad that Is the envy of all children in the neighborhood. That’s all good and we appreciate the thought, but let’s be realistic. How many of the good men we know actually get to do this when they are so busy looking for bigger, better and faster ways to provide for their families?


Which brings me to my point. The kind of wife you marry is exactly the kind of children you will have. Because whether we like it or not, they are the ones that mould your children. So do you want outspoken children? Then get yourself a girl that speaks her mind like it’s the gospel. Do you want respectful obedient children? Then look at how your current boo treats her elders and you. Do you want God fearing children? Then you know what to do. Because miracles do not happen quite as often as we want them to, and no way in this life time is darkness going to give birth to light!!

Friday, 2 November 2012

VALUABLE LESSON ON FRIENDSHIP.



In life, there are two kinds of people. Givers and takers .And every once  in a while, the takers will go out of their way to be givers to people that are special in their life or mean a lot to them.
All my life, I’ve been a giver. I’m always going out of my way to make sure everyone that I care about Is happy, always giving my time and services and whatever, always doing for others.


The other day, I talked to one of my classmates. I do not necessarily consider my classmates my friends because of the huge difference in character and interests and many other things. But when I called this particular girl called Molly who is the closest I can come to calling a friend in that class, I was pleasantly surprised and moved to tears. She had gone out of her way to do something for me that I hadn't even asked her to do. Almost the equivalent of going to the registrar, doing all your registration for you, getting you a room in hall and collecting the semester’s work for you(and we all know how long this process takes).


Now I need you to understand that this girl owes me nothing and vice versa. Forget those guys that are being extra nice because they want to date you, or sleep with you, or show off to the world that they are nice, or need some kind of help somewhere. Forget those. This was a selfless act, where the doer was going to gain ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. And when I asked Molly why she did what she did, she said “I know you Kullein, you were going to take forever to get it done so I did it for you”. Simple as that.  I was completely and totally moved by this simple act and I wondered if this is not what true friendships and relationships should be about, people always looking out for each other, a two-way street?? About someone not waiting to be asked to do something that they CAN do that is good for you? Even if they themselves will not gain any form doing it? Most of my friendships I now realize are all about me giving something and because I’m such a giver, I never thought that I should be getting something back too. And since molly did what she did, I have been re evaluating my friendships.

So to all you giving friends/lovers/family members out there(not you the takers!!!), the next time you go around giving someone your time, advice, money, shoulder to cry on, food,help, mention it, think of the last time that person did the same for you? And ask yourself the question, if the situation was reversed, would they do the same for you??

Then you will know how many people really are your friends.

Thursday, 25 October 2012

SHAME SHAME!!



‘If I’m very still, I will hear one clear voice…’


Having trouble choosing between whatever choices have been placed before you? Making that decision has got you so stressed out that you can’t eat? Your skin is losing its color and for some reason or the other, you can’t seem to enjoy anything else? It’s such a hard decision because both sides have got their pros and cons and none outweighs the other? And your friends can’t help because they could never understand the situation well enough?

Stop kidding yourself. You already know what the right choice is, at least what’s right for you. Deep down you already know what you should pick because it fits you perfectly. You are trying so hard to ignore that voice that is calmly saying “this is the right choice”, constantly fighting yourself;  maybe because you are afraid of things going wrong, maybe because  you are hoping that someone else will help you make the decision so that if things do go wrong, you have someone to blame, maybe you think this other choice is better, more presentable and stable, and even though you wouldn't be so thrilled and happy about it, at least it’s a safe choice. Plus, everyone approves…

Shame on you. For being such a coward. For not daring to stand out instead of fit in. For not trusting that your subconscious only reveals what you yourself are really  thinking. For not believing in yourself.
Shame on you for giving up.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

BE KIND.


Be kind to one another, everyone has a story, some worse than yours.
That lady that tries to steal your parking spot every morning is so lonely back home and wishes she had someone to talk to.

And that security guard that checks you extra thoroughly even if you have been coming to the same building for two years and never even once had an issue is trying to forget that he left his sick son home with only two tablets left between him and death.

And that annoying b***h at work who for some reason or the other keeps talking  about you behind  your back with all your friends and keeps giving you dagger eyes cries in the bathroom during lunch break because she doesn’t understand why, even after giving him her all, her boyfriend still wants to call it quits.
And that boda guy that took more than he should have is crushing at a friend’s as he slowly collects money for rent. The landlord won’t even let him take his stuff out before he pays.

And the teller at the supermarket who is taking her time in spite of how late she clearly knows you are can’t seem to understand why her son was the one that had to go and got expelled from school. In fact, if she doesn’t do something about his sister’s grades, she is going to follow him soon enough.
And what about that child in your class that is mean to you for no reason, secretly wishing her parents would give her the time of day, just once.

And your best friend who keeps has been acting up all week can’t believe this week marks a year since her husband died.
And your manager who just said you will all have to start wearing uniform to work is battling cancer, and yesterday, he found out has diabetes too.

And your brother who keeps telling on you for the smallest of things and won’t let you be is wondering why you are so much better than he is, and why you seem to get away with almost all the bad things you do while he, who has been an ideal son, has never even once received any approval for his hard work.
And you, you walk around with an attitude and are quick to tell whoever off, in fact people are afraid to cross you in case you embarrass them terribly. You are known as the guy ‘that doesn’t give a f***’, when in fact all you want is to fit in so badly…

Yes, be kind to everyone, yourself inclusive.

WHAT IF...


Ever wondered what would have happened if you were not who you were?

They say if even just one factor of your life is changed, your whole future changes. So what if you were not who you were? Going back to the beginning, what if it wasn’t that sperm that had been the first to reach the ovum? Or what if your mother had never met your dad? And what if you had never gone to that kindergarten, or to that primary school?
 
Or what if instead of arriving on the first day of school and getting the seat next the girl that became your best friend for ten years, you had arrived on the third day and had to sit elsewhere? What if you were born in another country altogether? What if you were disabled? What if your parents had separated when you were nine and you had to move? What if you had taken English literature at the university instead of going to medical school? Or what if you had actually gone right instead of going left that day?

 

Would you still be you? Would you still talk the same, and dress the same, and think the same and have the same dreams and ambitions that you have now? Would you believe in what you believe in now? Would your character be the one that you had now? But most importantly, the most important people in your life right now, would they still hold their current respective positions??

Well folks, we will never know. But there is one thing I can assure you, some things are just meant to be .They are above any explanation and any logic. And do not be shocked if one way or another, your paths cross anyway and even in that parallel lifetime, you still end up with some of the best that you have in your life now.

Thursday, 4 October 2012

The big bang theory???


We all have that one life-defining moment that is supposed to make you who you are, determine what kind of person you will become and the kind of life you will lead. I have been waiting for that moment for a long time. And each time something happened and I thought the moment had finally come , I would later realize that it wasn’t the one, and the same thing would happen with the next one and the next, and the next.

It’s just now that I realize that the moment passed a long time ago for me, around twelve years ago to be precise. Sadly, it was not a positive moment I’m afraid, and it left me with my guard constantly up, and I never realized till recently that it was something I had to recover from. But here’s the thing, I realized that it was there. I realized that it was negative, and I realized that it had affected me.

But I’m healing. And working on myself daily, and sometimes I’m really impressed by how far I have come since the realization. Maybe its just growing up, you just become somehow more accepting of yourself and more realistic the more you mature, yes, it’s possible, but I believe it’s more than that. It’s the smaller moments that have come my way that continue to sand paper  away all the sharp corners that the bigger moment left behind. And I have learnt to find my joy in those smaller moments, be it laughing a little louder than I used to, crying over an ex that I’m not over, lunch with the fam, playing in the rain…I may never get my big moment ever again, but I know that it’s the smaller moments that have made me who I am today,  and they are the ones that will continue to shape me till the day that I die.

Monday, 10 September 2012

Saying Adios




Ps;This is a happy article J

We all want acceptance. Somewhere to belong. Something to call our very own. And after we get it,we never want anything to mess with the niche we worked so hard to find and perfect to fit our own personal needs.And its never easy to say goodbye or to let go.

 

But all good things come to and end. It’s a bitter fact. But that’s how it is in this life.

 

So since all good things come to an end, and usually a painful one, does that mean that we should never invest any emotions in anything? Never give our all in our relationships lest they come to an abrupt  end? That way we can never be hurt? Or allow ourselves to fully enjoy something because that way the pain we feel when it’s all gone is a little less? Or ever allow ourselves to show our vulnerability to those we care so deeply about and things that affect us?

 

Quite the contrary.

 

Which is why I said this is a happy article. The future always arrives sooner than you expected. And the  tomorrow you were planning for is already a yesterday. And before you know it, all you will have is bitter regret about not having lived each day for its own. Always waiting for the perfect time, and place and person, and setting, and then it’s already ten years later and you are still waiting. So do love. With all your heart, and let people in. Allow yourself to feel disappointment, and grief and exhilaration and pain and loss. And continue to give life and love and people another chance in spite of it all. Don’t keep your guard up all the time. Because how else will you know that you have a heart that works? How else will you know that you are living?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Choices..


Deuteronomy 30:15-19
‘See, I set before you today life and death…choose life.’

For a while there I almost forgot. Being a Christian is not the easiest thing in this day and age. Especially for a person like me. A person with a past. A person who has different types of obligations to different categories of people. Having to make conscious Christian decisions does not always make sense to my friends and isn’t always so easy. And for a while there I almost forgot.

It’s really difficult to see people who aren’t so vigilant in their Christianity prosper. And I must admit there are some times I have sinned and felt like I had gotten away with it, benefited from it even. The last few weeks I have battled with the choice to forsake all my Christian ways. To give up all my battles and succumb to the seeming pleasures of the other side. And I should mention that it would be exceptionally easy for me to let all of it go. It just all seemed so tiresome and not worthwhile and I was in despair.

And for a while I almost forgot. I forgot that I HAVE been on the other side. I prospered on the other side(or so it seemed to everyone else). I forgot that I have the advantage of having experienced both sides first hand. I forgot why I had chosen Christ in the first place. It’s the peace that fills you when you do. That peace that surpasses all understanding, yeah, I’ve felt that. It’s acceptance. And joy. And hope. And companionship. And forgiveness.  And unconditional love.How could I forget what He had done for me? How could I forget where and how He found me?

 Yes, I’m sure I will continue to fall every now and then, and times like these will come by regularly. I will have doubts and worries and frustrations, but each time, I WILL choose Jesus.


Sunday, 22 July 2012

Am i the only one that's fed up?


Today a friend asked me, ‘why can’t people just be genuine?’ and I wanted to weep because I have been asking myself the same question since time in memorial. Wouldn’t it be easier and less taxing emotionally to mean what you say and say what you mean? What about that friendship, why can’t you as my best friend be genuinely happy when I buy my car or when I find an amazing man? And that relationship, why do we always have to play games, see who breaks fast. Why must I first torment you psychologically to see how far I can go with it? Why can’t we have those that we want in our lives and leave those that we feel make us unhappy out of it? Why do people go to unnecessary lengths to please people that they don’t genuinely like just so they can go discuss and plot their downfall with someone else? Would it hurt if you made a decision today that so and so is going to be my friend for ever because of this and that, and I will genuinely love them, and be loyal and honest whenever and wherever.
I’m sure you have a million reasons why people do this, but I’m very very sure that it’s always better to be genuine, both for you and for the other party.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Maybe...


My heart is so heavy. I want to write about so many things. I want to write about how days can run by so fast and turn into weeks, months and before you know it, a year has gone by and there is still not much to show for it.

I want to write about how it’s never as easy to walk away from your past as what they make it seem, and that even when you think you are finally free of it, you are shocked to find that the day you mistakenly bump into each other, all the emotions you thought were long gone come flooding right back in.
I would also want to write about the uncertainty of life. Nothing is guaranteed and nothing is permanent. Even those things or people you thought would stand by you and you by them till the end of time change and become your biggest enemies.

I would like to write about following your own path. How you are in this world in your own, you need to lead your own life, and do what makes you happy because at the end of the day, you cannot lie to yourself for too long.
I’m also dying to write about how you should never be afraid to take risks, because just by being alive, you risk dying. Some will work out, while some will not, but what matters is that you took the initiative, and the thrill of doing that is priceless.

Yes, I could write about many many things. Voice my thoughts and opinions about every area of life and go on forever. But I can’t. And I probably won’t. Instead I will write about politics, and fashion trends, and homosexuality, and wall street, and saving schemes, how to make the most of your free time, and how to lose ten pounds in just one day, and how to be a good marketer/spokesperson, and cliché articles on how to know that he is the one… because that is what adults write about. And I’m an adult now.
  

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Time tells.


So many have come and gone. So many friends, boyfriends, roommates, housemates, celebrities, partners, bff’s, favorites, hangouts have changed, and trends have evolved. Interests have matured and loyalties have been lost. Desires have been gotten and dreams realized. Only to move on to the next.ad then the next. And the next.

The only thing that can tell you that this is the real deal, the true one, is the one that stays. The friend that stays, or that friendship that stands the test of time. That better half that sticks by you through it all, to the very end…

The only one certain test of trueness, in everything, is time.

Joyful heart...


I feel so good. Really really good. I haven’t been feeling good for a while now, not really, not sincerely. It could be because of the amazing service I just attended at my church and the point-on sermon given by the reverend. It could also be because I went for the service with my closest friends and had a good time catching up over delicious ice-cream afterwards. It could be because I am at peace with everyone in my family. It could also be because I’m relating with someone that is amazing.

But a large part of me believes that I feel really good because for the first time in a while, I KNOW everything is going to be ok. Scratch that, everything is going to be great!

Saturday, 19 May 2012

Prototype: Writer.


Prototype: Writer…
In my secondary school, a friend of mine had a book. This book was of particular interest to the both of us. To her, because it contained a summary of class notes she no doubt wanted to revise. To me because it contained bits and pieces of amazing writing. The owner of the book (who turned out to be my friend’s sister’s friend J ) liked to write too and when we were leaving that chapter of school behind, at my request, I was given this book as souvenir which I still posses to this day.

As luck would have it, a few years later, I got to meet the owner of this book. And just as I had pictured, she was dark and mysterious, reserved and yet gives you the impression that a storm was brewing in her mind. Since that time, I have quietly observed that this seems to be a trend with most writers. They are usually a bit of loners, very private and have a mysterious aura about them. As they say, a writer never tells.

This is something that has been worrying me of late. Am I really a writer? I mean, I’m mostly a sunny smiley person. I see the humor in just about everything I think of and I like to have lots of people around. What am I to do? Should I force myself to be alone? To be broody and absorbed in thought 90% of the time so I can fit the prototype? Are there several different types of writers maybe? And I’m just under one of the many different ones?

Well I figured it out today. There are no types of writers. You are either a writer or you are not. It’s simply about the feeling you get when you write. It’s possible to be bright and giggly and yet write a sad dark piece just as it is possible to be feeling down and yet pull off a celebratory piece.

I also found out that I do have that mysterious reserved side of me. And there are times when I DO want to be by myself, but that is not what makes you a writer. You have to have it in your very blood molecules. There is a certain confirmation deep inside yourself that can never be shaken by anyone about this bit of who you are. It’s almost like being in love, you can’t really explain to someone else, but you know for a fact that you are…

I am a writer.


Firefly.


As I walked around in the quiet, I came across a friendly firefly. I reached out for it and was both pleased and surprised to see that it did not fly away or hide in fear. So I took the firefly in. I told it all my secret hopes and dreams. My fears and anxieties, I told it about all that I was ashamed of, and all that I was proud of. And it seemed the more I talked, the brighter it glowed. So I talked a little more, and it glowed a little more. And then it was already dark. And the firefly had to return to its home up in heaven amongst the stars. So we said our goodbyes and I watched it fly away. Up, up, up to where it belonged. And though I do not always see it, I know it’s there. Up and above with all my dreams and longings. And me. I simply wait.

Friday, 11 May 2012

Is it really the last time? Really?

When you do something wrong to someone and say you are sorry,do you actually mean it?
And do you pray in your heart of hearts that you will never do it again? Well i do. At that moment in time,I am more that 100% sure that I will never ever ever do it again.And if I am lucky enough to be forgiven,then I try to make sure it doesn't happen.

So what happens if,by some unprecedented,unseen twist of fate, you actually do it again? And again.And again.And again.And yet each time,you are still as sincere as you were the first time about your apologies.And still with the same determination,you believe you will not do it again.Are you to be forgiven?And if you are, is this for your own good or does this leniency actually disrupt the whole process of you becoming a better person by learning from you mistakes?

And does this make the other person a fool for forgiving you over and over again?Is it all done in the spirit of love and acceptance? Or does this in a way show that you are subconsciuosly taking this person for granted? Does it mean that this mistake you keep making is a part of who you are and that trying to change will always be in vain? At what point does it stop being understanding from the oother person and become sheer ridiculous for them to forgive you again?

Sunday, 8 April 2012

The Easter that was…



Once again I’m reminded of what I knew all along: family is the most important thing at the end of the day, and if you are lucky enough to find friends that you can call family, then even better. The more the merrier.

Today was AMAZING!!

And no, we didn’t do anything or go anywhere. At first I was a bit skeptical, this being the first big holiday where we didn’t go anywhere, not even to the village, not even to Murchison falls like we had originally planned, and as we drove to church this morning, I thought it was  going to be a long same-old weekend. I was in for a huge shock. Life is definitely what you make it. I decided to keep a positive attitude, to stick to the basics (something I’ve been trying to master for the last few months) and to make do with what I already had. I was going to put effort into making this work. So when our guests started to arrive, and we laid out the table, I kept the smile on my face. And then my friend Aisha arrived and from then on it was uphill.

I can tell you that this has been the best Easter I’ve celebrated since the day I was born. We laughed so hard, till our faces were so contorted with laughter we couldn’t breathe straight; we danced till the sweat was literally pouring down our faces, ran around, ate till we were drunk on food, and then got kinda high on sweet wine! And the best thing was the genuine warmth and affection for each other that filled the room. There was no pretense or showing off, or proving anything to anyone. All our problems were forgotten during this precious time and I didn’t have a care in the world. And just as I sat back and recorded the video of all this, I realized that right there, all of those people, they were my family. The most important people in my life. And I was gripped with a love so strong, I didn’t know I still had it in me.

This is what Easter should be about. Not only the unspeakable victory that we gain through Jesus Christ rising from the dead, but all the relationships, feelings, hopes and dreams that rise with him. Happy Easter!

Field trip to Bulisa district.



Just the mention of this name makes me shudder. Remember that one thing that you ate that left a sour yucky taste in your mouth and somehow when somebody mentions it, you can almost taste it!
That was Bulisa district for me. It was a class trip and we were doing a medical survey in communities bordering the lakes in Uganda. I hate to sound like a snob but this is the report I have to give:
                                                                                                                                 
Activity
Did it suck big ones?
Weather
Sucked huge huuuuge ones! It was freaking hot and even at 3am we were sweating like crazy. And when we were lucky enough to get a waft of fresh air, all it did was blow lake flies up our nostrils!!
Accommodation
Also sucked. Our houses were made of mad and wattle, had no ceilings, were bloody hot as I mentioned and too small.
Food
Not too bad surprisingly. Didn’t suck so much, but the monotony could get to you.
Activity
Really tiring. We had to go out into the community, beg them to let us help them and by the end of the day we were exhausted! Can’t say it sucked though seeing as this is why we were there.
Company
No offense but this sucked massive ones!! I guess you can’t say you know someone till you have lived with them for about a week. Enough said.

All in all, Bulisa was an educative experience, more in a learn-from-this-traumatic-experience way than anything else but I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Or think twice about ever eating fish again! 

Heaven's gates and hell's flames :)


 J
So forgive me because I realize this post is like three months overdue, I have been so busy with the uncertain unpredictable ups and downs of life but I felt that this was a day that I should write about.
Three things stood out for me on this day:
11)      The same faces that have been coming for this show once every four years for the past ten years or so are the ones that I saw even this time. So it was good to see the change in people’s faces and behavior a few years later. Kind of like a time capsule

22)      The performance never disappoints. It’s like eating ice cream. Even if it’s the same flavor every other time, it’s still as delicious as the first time you had it. The sweetness does not fade.


33)      The company: I called up a friend of mine that i hadn’t seen in a while. Only one seeing as I had only two tickets. We hadn’t talked in a while and I was afraid that it would be awkward since we had both probably changed…
I had an amazing time. We laughed till tears were literally flowing down our faces, till our ribs hurt. I’m quite surprised they didn’t have us thrown out of the church altogether. And I realized; we still got it. That’s the stuff of true friendships, not matter how long It’s been, when you sit down to catch up, it feels like just yesterday when you were together.

Saturday, 3 March 2012

VODKA, SADLY...

Once i was sent a message on Facebook.you were supposed to update your status according to drinks.each drink represented your current relationship status.and i remember vodka represented being the other woman a.k.a mistress.i can assure you there were quiet a number of people whose statuses said vodka.

And it got me thinking,who is to blame for this whole mistress situation?Should we blame the women for being easy and without morals?For not respecting someone else' s property?Should we blame the men for lacking self control?For not appreciating the treasures that they already have? Or is this whole fidelity issue a faint memory that existed only in the past times? Is it always the men that vehemently pursue another woman even when they are already settled for life?Or is it the women that are greedy and selfish and will do what they must to get what they want regardless of who gets hurt in the process? Or is it sometimes a case of unavoidable helpless circumstances of uncontrollable passion from both parties?

A wise woman once said; "Judge not for you know not". And as much as I'm itching to make a verdict of some sort about all this,to strongly support my reasonable beliefs about the whole issue,i will refrain.Because at the end of the day,there is no particular formula for life.There is no set of rules or ten-step-procedure that works for every one every time in life.Every situation is different and works out differently.So unless you are the one going through it,you have no right to make any judgements.

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Honesty;is it overated?


                                                          HONESTY: IS IT OVERRATED?
To all those that believe honesty is the best policy, here is some food for thought.
I happen to be one of these people that believe in that theory but lately I find myself in some controversial situations and cannot seem to find a solution that will make everyone happy.
Yes I believe in telling the truth when your parents ask you where exactly you are at four in the morning, and I believe in telling the truth when somebody asks you how old you are, or where you live…
But what about the times when your boyfriend asks you if you like the perfume he bought you? Do you actually tell him you think it smells like insecticide and would rather go on a hunger strike than use it? Do you continue to tell him how, in fact, you are currently using it to reduce the number of bugs in your room? Or do you smile, kiss him sweetly on the cheek and say you love it. And what about your friend’s baby, do you smile and say “oh, he’s gorgeous” or do you tell her how he is a tad too dark-skinned and his head has got a weird shape and is a bit too big for his body? And what of that in-law you think does not deserve your sister? do you tell her how he is such a loser, is using her and she could do so much better when she tells you he had proposed and she said yes? Or do you smile and say you are happy for her? And what about your girlfriend who just got back from the saloon and has a particularly nauseating weave? Or this hideously colored dress your husband just bought you? Or a food-poisoning new recipe your mom is trying out…
Honesty is definitely great, but does this rule not have exceptions or limits just like the others?

Sunday, 8 January 2012

I WANT TO BE MORE STILL...


Recently as I was shifting from my former bedroom to the one I am in now, I was sorting through my stuff trying to decide what stays and what goes when I came across a notebook that contained some of my first notes and sketches and stuff. Also it contained the ten or so pages of a novel that I had once started to write but stopped halfway…one particular piece got my attention and I decided to share it. Not only because I believe it’s a particularly good piece, but also because I remember writing it with so much sincerity and passion. I meant every single word and even now, it still speaks to me.

                          I want to be more
I don’t want to be just another name
Just another human that traversed this earth from one time to another…

I don’t want to be just another believer
Just another soul that went to church every Sunday
I want to be the girl that wept over a moving testimony
The one who reached out to help a needy person
Gave until it hurt…

I don’t want to be just another sister
Just another relation that said all the appropriate things
I want to be the one who made dinner when it was your turn
The one who called every lunch to be sure you were sticking to your diet
Let you have my new sweater…

I don’t want to be just another daughter
Just another child that run errands around the house
I want to be the one that brought you hot cocoa in bed after a long day at work
The one that typed your report till 1:00am so you could beat the deadline
Cooked your favorite meal on Sunday…

I don’t want to be just another friend
Just another face that showed up to your graduation party
I want to be the one that you called whenever you were broke and needed a place to crush
The one who always had an extra pair of heels just for you
One you could always count on…

I don’t want to be just another lover
Who dressed real fine and kept her figure right
I want to be the one who held you through the night when you cried
Because someone else had gotten that promotion
The one who always knew where you had misplaced your favorite pair of blue socks
Kept your dinner warm and had on a smile when you came home late
Loved you all day, all night in all ways…

I don’t want to be just another artist
Who went to all the big art exhibitions and knew all the famous names
I want to be the one that recognized true rhythm in the song of an abandoned child
The one that bought a canvas because it made me think of vanilla scents and sunshine
Always sang in the shower…

I don’t want to be just another name
That traversed this earth from one time to another
I want to be more…
I want to be great…
I want to be remembered always,
For being a true, brave, passionate and fearless dreamer.