The kind of girl you like

I see it in the way your eyes avoid mine: your pursed lips and poorly-concealed emotion,
All the questions that go unanswered, the judgment in each pause,
The unspoken expectations and passive aggressiveness
You would never say it to my face but I can smell it on you like garlic on breath.
You wish I was softer around the edges
You prefer if I didn’t speak so loud
If only I walked slightly behind you and not next to
You wish I wasn’t so ambitious because women should know their place
My clothes should be more flowery and slightly longer.
I shouldn’t look you directly in the eye or question what you say so often
If only I kept my opinions to myself.
You wish I didn’t have so many friends and didn’t get invited to so many parties
You prefer I wasn’t so confident; no woman should be so whole,
We all need a certain level of brokenness.
It keeps us humble, shows us our position in the grand scheme of things
I see it in your posture; the way you seat facing away from me
I can read you like a book even if you would never admit it
You wish I wasn’t so beautiful, didn’t get as much attention as I do.
Because admitting that is the kind of girl you like would be admitting
That there’s a dark chauvinist narcissist part of you and surely that can’t be true.
So you wait quietly as I change my order three times in a restaurant,
Barely hiding the twitch of your lips
You smile as I receive my awards, clapping the hardest and smiling the widest, with eyes cold as ice.
You look at me, in that moment hating me for the very same reason you love me.
Hating yourself as well for feeling the way that you do
Confused because sometimes you like it and other times you don’t
But we are laughing now, enjoying a private joke over a delicious meal
You hold my hand and look lovingly into my eyes; you’ll deal with changing me tomorrow.


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