Showing posts from July, 2011


                                         Friday July 29, 2011 THE TRUE FACE OF CHANGE (PART TWO) Writing has of late become like therapy to me, when I write I feel better, so how could this be. It’s like being a baker and not being able to figure out what you want to bake one particular morning. Was it because I was missing my inspiration, my sunshine? Or was it because I have been so busy I don’t have time to write anything with weight? Or is it because I feel like am giving too much and not receiving as much and that leaves me feeling empty? There had to be a reason, I can’t just not have what to write…can I? Then I realized it is just nature taking its course. I have always been afraid of change, of surprises, the unknown, the future. I believe in consistency, when you start something you must complete it with the same vigor and passion you used at the start. I have tried effortlessly to stay the same throughout the passing years, only polishing up rusty areas where I can. And I b

Bohemian Rhapsody

Friday June 24, 2011   BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY… Went over to the airport today, waited for Charlie   to arrive, a feeling of anticipation in my gut, wondered if this is how you felt each time you came to pick her…did you embrace? Was there that awkward moment where you don’t know what to say to each other, or know how to act? Did you call her ‘love’ and look her deep in the eyes or did you quickly reach for her luggage and save it all for the ride back home?                Drove quietly along the highway, watched all the planes that were packed in the hangar, dreamed of being in one of them one day. Dreamed of going to a place far away, where I could start over…would I still have you? Did the two of you look at these same planes? Did you share your dreams and plans for the future along this same route? Did she point out one of those planes and say something that made you laugh sincerely? Made the awkwardness disappear that it was as if you were back to the times you had just met?    Drove

What are you settling for?

                                      May 8 th 2011. WHAT ARE YOU SETTLING FOR??? A wise man once said that great things come to a man that knows what he wills and wills it with all his heart. And although I have forgotten who exactly this wise man was, his words have had such a great impact on my life that I try to apply them wherever I can in my life.             I have just made it through what could appropriately be termed the longest week of my life and when I decided to sit back and review why it had qualified for this prestigious position, I realized that it is because underneath it all, am still an insecure approval-seeking unconfident little girl. I have since given up on remembering the particular incident that scarred me so much that I need everybody to like me, but I suspect it’s a series of events that led   me to believe everyone had to like me in order for me to be happy. I have also since given up on pretending and trying to prove to myself it is not so. Even then it


THE STUFF THAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF.   I remember a time when my best friend and I would talk about life in a way that you could only see in the movies. We dreamt about finding true love, winning the lottery and living happily ever after. When we shared our dreams, we never realized that things actually go wrong and dreams sometimes do not come true.         Now a few years later, I am forced to ask myself what exactly can be considered a dream. And even though this particular friend of mine is long gone, I still look back upon those days with hope and longing. Because, in spite of it all, what we did then was the true definition of dreaming. To be able to perceive something so out of reach that others would consider impossible is what I consider a true dream. To actually envision it coming true and being able to see in your mind the step by step details of how it will all unfold is the stuff that dreams are made of. To live your life sure it will one day come true and to actually invo

Destined for greatness

DON’T LET ME COME HOME A STRANGER               Lately I have developed this uneasy feeling in my heart that life is passing me by. That there is something I am missing and I will not be able to hold onto all the precious memories that make people who they are. I have the uncontrollable urge to freeze time every five seconds so I can take it in every situation, every emotion and every single expression. I want to have the ability to document on some sort of recording device every second of the lives of the people in my life and I suddenly feel like one life time won’t be enough for me to achieve all that I would have wanted to.                                  I feel like there is so much I have forgotten, so many that I have forgotten and so many that have forgotten me too. I couldn’t stand to come home a stranger. I could never stand it if I did not have an impact so great in someone’s life that they had no choice but to remember me forever. And the fact that time is running by or

No perfect love

THERE I S NO PERFECT LOVE…..      What is it that makes a mother abandon her new born baby? Or makes a husband cheat on the love of his life? What is that one thing that makes you reach out and lash at the ones you hold closest to your heart? Or look your mother in the eye and lie to her? What makes one’s best friend snatch her boyfriend right underneath her nose or change the name on that prize ticket?       Maybe am just a sucker for the good in people but I refuse to believe that some people are simply cold hearted and have no conscience. Try as I might to imagine what it might be like to have no scruples or sense of remorse, I still find it impossible. Believe me when I say it is possible to love someone with the whole of your heart and all you have in you and yet still go behind their backs and do that which you know will hurt them the most. Psychologists will say it’s our other side, you know how we are all supposed to have an evil side that is usually kept under lock and key a
In a nutshell.        Today as I watched this movie about motherhood, a particular quote caught my attention. ”There is no try, there is only do and do not” - Uma Thurman, motherhood. Apart from the very important lesson that these simple words taught me, the whole movie once again reminded me of   the things that really matter in life; family, true friends, helping the helpless and living each day like it’s your last. Doing those things that,    if today was your last day, you would do. Obviously this got me thinking about what those things were for me and I was pleasantly surprised by what I found out.                         I would love my family, kiss my nephews and nieces all the time, give my lunch to the hopeless man that sits by the corner, take a stroll on the beach, hold my boyfriend close and talk to God. I would call up all those people I haven’t heard from in such a long time. I would swallow my pride and be the first to apologize to that particular person that upset me